-Welcome to the show.
-Yay! -Thank you.
-You two know each other. -We do. We do.
-We do. We do. -Did you rehearse this?
-We just had a little breakup. We had a little bit
of a breakup. -We just, like, haven’t seen
each other for a while. -It’s just awkward.
-And it’s just weird. -We didn’t know that
we were both gonna be on. -Together on the show.
-Oh. -And I just felt like
I go first, obviously. -So…
-And then, uh, you know, he’d, like, come up,
like, the caboose, but — You know, walking up first,
blocking my light. It’s cool. -But I’m fine.
I’m in a new relationship. And I’m doing great.
I’m doing great, so… -I’m having sex
with lots of people. Don’t know — Don’t even know
what their names. That’s how many people
I’m having sex with. -It all worked out.
-Oh, my God. -It’s going to be fine.
-I cannot relate. So, Aisha, I didn’t know this
about you, but you actually grew up with a great actor,
Sam Rockwell. -Yeah. -And in high school,
you even dated. -We did date for a little while.
-Ohh! [ Audience oohs ] -Yeow. -Were you as cool then
as you are now? -I am not cool.
Uh, I will never be cool. -You’re very cool.
-That’s so nice. No, Sam was cool. Sam was
super-cool in high school. Sam was like James Dean. Like, he’s the kind of guy
that wore, like, a full-length trench coat
in, like, July, you know. -He was the one at the resort.
The three kids at the resort. That was him.
-He was that dude. He’s always been that cool.
I was not. I mean, I’m six feet tall. I’ve been this tall
since I was like 7. -Whoo!
-Yeah, thank you. It feels good now, but I was Blackzilla
in grade school, okay? I was just crushing people
and breaking toys. And he was a lot shorter
than me, and I don’t have this photo
unfortunately, but there’s, like, the photo of us
when we were dating — He has his arm around me,
and I’m literally leaning — I’m the shape of an “A”
’cause I’m just like — Like, he’s here, and I’m like — [ Laughter ] -But also just, like,
the awkward prom photo. Like, he’s so little. [ Laughter ] By the way, no offense to Sam.
If he’s watching this, like — -Sam. Sam, you’re so —
You’re so awesome. And you seem a lot taller now
that you’re rich and famous. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] Funny how that works.
Funny how that works. Rob, what about you? Have you had any awkward
date experiences? -Well, let me see. I mean,
I’m married now. No big deal. -No big deal. It’s fine.
You moved on so quickly. You moved on super quickly.
Is it even a real relationship? I don’t know.
-But, yeah. I remember when
I first moved to L.A. And this is, like,
a hard town to date in. I mean, you guys know.
You’re all single and weird. -Audience: Yes! -But I remember
going out on this date with this woman, and — By the way, edit this out
because my wife shouldn’t know that
I dated anybody besides her. -Yeah, yeah. No, for sure.
-Take it out. -We’ll “edit” this out.
We’ll “edit” it out. -Yeah. Who were you talking to?
-The editors. The post team. Hello. -But I was on a date
with this woman, and we were outside
at this restaurant. And — no big deal —
I can afford to eat outside. And, like, a bee —
Like, there was some bee that started swarming around, and she lost her —
like, went crazy. She was literally like… “Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Get it off!” Like…
-This is what I’m saying. -It was so weird, and, like,
I had just moved here, and I was like, “People
are very dramatic in L.A.” -And you weren’t wrong.
-Yep. -Yeah, so, we got married,
and now we have each other. -Aww. [ Cheers and applause ] -Edit that out. Edit that out. -We will, we will. Yeah. Rob, you recently tweeted
something so specific that I want to ask you about. You tweeted about eating alone
at a restaurant without any cellphone service,
and it sounded traumatic. -Yeah.
-Why was that? -Well, I don’t know
if you’ve done that. Like, now, if you —
If you, you know — If you have to eat
by yourself — And sometimes we’re all people. You just wind up
eating by yourself. I’m not the only one
that eats by myself. You guys.
-He’s the only one! It’s him! -But I was in this restaurant,
and it was like — It was just in a weird part
of town where they had no cell service, and so I just
remember having, like, a full-on, like, mental break of, like, what do I —
what do I do with my hands? Like, what do I — How do I sit?
Do I sit like this? Like, do I go like — Like, I literally
just started sweating, and then, because
you’re acting so weird, the people start to notice
that you are alone and you’re being weird,
so it just, like, compounds, and it just got really — So I just left.
-Yeah. That was absolutely
the right thing to do. -I have to get back on my phone.
-I once was in a restaurant, and a guy came and he sat down,
he ordered a meal, and he just sat there
and ate the meal, and I was like,
“Somebody call the cops.” -Yeah it’s terrifying. -Who just eats and, like, stares off into the distance
like this? He’s plotting murder.
-Yes. -He’s obviously
thinking about murder. -Yes.
-It’s not okay. If you see somebody
just sitting and eating, dude, like, just, like,
cordon off the area. -And run.
-And run. -Run away, yeah.
-I got mad at him, too. -It’s so scary. -I was like,
“You’re just sitting there?!” -Yeah. Same with movies.
Like, when I see someone going to a movie by themselves,
I’m like — -But I’ll go to a movie
by myself, and I’ll bring a bottle
of booze in and drink it. -Yas!
[ Cheers and applause ]
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